{ a confession which is a torture. yet realistic }

yesterdae wasn't a go0d mornin9 for most of us ba.

nv expected [her] to keep so muchie thin9ies inside her heart. [she] wants us to be back wad we are meant to be. probably [she] sensed tat we chan9ed le ba. no more tat stron9 desire for the lan9ua9e le.

[she] talked to me personally:
" i've always enjoyed ur compo. cus u are always realistic. u are veri true. but now, i don see it animore. "

yes. disappointment. [she] is. i cannot deny. i cannot ne9lact. [she] jus make mi think. wad is wron9 with me ba. no more of my true-self le. i am no lon9er -qin9yun- le.

wad chan9es me. stress? 9rades? hopes? wadever. i donoh. & i wanna find out ba.

when [she] say my compo no lon9er is me animore. i was just wonderin9. then where is me. i admit. my onli 9o0d thin9 in lan9ua9es is compo. and i always write for myself. cus i just write wad i wanna say. if there is no lon9er me. then who am i writin9 for.?

i told myself : this is the last time i am 9oin9 to disappoint [her]. cus. i am 9oin9 study for myself. not for ani one else animore.

{ k-box }

went with `kailin9 & `melody & `someone special. cannot sae her name. cus not 9o0d.

i admit la. i sin9 a lot. not my fault na. majority son9 i noi how to sin9 ma. cannot help it.

9ot a few son9s i sin9 with `kailin9 are veri sentimental. even `melody aso scared dao. { dao dai } me & `kai sin9 till wanna cry.

the 3 of us sin9 some son9s till veri nice nor. 9ees. most memorable one is { ji de}. mayb we all fan9 jin9 all our feelin9s ba.

nice experience ba i 9uess. will not for9et tis time ba.

{ esplanade }

went to esplanade with S.C.S frenx. nice atmosphere. so nice. the library there is so de nicie. cannot make it na. then we tok so loudly there. in the end the librarian come stop us. so pai seh nor.

`kai lin9 & `melody de mo0d not veh go0d at first. until some talk with one another. everyone feel better ba. yes. it was nice. 9o0d fren 9atherin9 ba.

{ be back to myself }

probably i learnt not to clin9 on to the past le. time to let 9o. time to 9o forward. time to be back to be myself.

yes. i will. last promise & last hope for 2005 before i end it with a bi9 ban9.

life without memories is empty. but life without hope is worthless.

hope not lon9 later. my post will be: i AM BACK!!