{ xin9 fu de nu ren }

mana9e to be able to mu du a very sweet present given to someone la.

let the realistic me be meng huan today ba.

fairytale will onli be happy & fulfillin9 when u are willin9 to open up ya heart to others ba. ben nu ren. u are xin9 fu de. cus u reali received e most wonderful present in the world.

hahaz.x. in the end i so to0pid. she didn't cry. i almost cry cux i am touched by the faithful 9uy. but one thin9 i can see from her eyes. she is freakin9 touched.



{ realistic me }

`mel0dy `kai lin9 `maureen always say i very realistic ba. esp. `mel0dy. but hor. i wanna tell her: cus u to0 men9 huan le la.! >.<

there is nothin9 much that i dislike about myself. cus in my mentality. i always think that the most cruel thin9 that u can do to yourself is to hate ni zi ji.

but sometimes. i jus don like bein9 so realistic. think to0 much le. nv allow myself to jus dream. jus ima9ine. jus blend myself in the happy fairytale. don know why. but just can't brin9 myself to do it. cus i keep knowin9 that it was so fake. so... unrealistic.

but i think last time de me is very men9 huan de ba. but sassy 9 frens would always pull me back to reality. tell me: hey?! wake up!! i feel fortunate to be pulled back to reality or i will be full of hurts now ba. really have to thank them ba.

after seein9 so many xin9 fu and hurts. i still conclude to myself. there is no fairytale. oooWww.. so realistic.



{ rainbow life }

but i believe in havin9 a rainbow life.

`snow. rainbow life does exist. ur rainbow is buried inside ni de heart. u don seem to dare to face it. but reali. u are not as bad as u think. ur life is not as dark as u ima9ined. u will see ur rainbow the moment u open up ya heart and tell a lo0k outside.

hey. last year le. end it with a bi9 ban9. b0o0m..!!



{ a moment to remember }

watched the show with `kai they all. very late then they 9o home ba.

eraser in my head. hopefully i can really have a eraser in our head. erase every sin9le sad memories. & keep all the 9o0d ones. only in this way. we will be happy. sha la la..~

{ new ima9e?!}

hmmm. cut my hair today. zip-zap. likdat jiu no have le. fast hor. somemore not veh cheap ba i 9uess. 26 bucks. hahaz.x.

but nvm. nice can le.

don xi 9uan at first. but now ok le la. 9ettin9 use to it. ben dan. me a 9al who can adapt real fast de ba. hmmm.




{ self-sacrificial }

sometimes. all u wanna do is to make sure tat the other party is happi. xin9 fu ba.

no matter how mani ppl object to it. sae u are so stupid. you just turned a prudent ear to it all. thinkin tat all you did is just correct.

however. i learnt tat sometimes is not that you wanna 9ive. ppl will definately want to take.

read somethin9 todae : 我常常不顾一切地一直给，一直给，一直给，一直给。但从来都没有想过他，要不要？
i am always willin9 to 9ive & 9ive & 9ive. but it never cross my mind. does he want it at all?

simple yet hurtin9.



{ key to heart }

*she lost the key to her heart.
*she does not dare to unlock her heart.
*she needs someone to find her key.
*she needs to for9et.

don't really know how to console her. esp ri9ht in front of her. maybe we are too 9o0d friends le. somethin9s cannot really be expressed too directly. 9uess. the only thin9 i like to do is to leave lon9 lon9 comments on her blo9 & console her.

just wanna tell her : 在偶尔想起曾经的时候，懂得微笑，而非落泪。那才是真正的幸福。

{ a confession which is a torture. yet realistic }

yesterdae wasn't a go0d mornin9 for most of us ba.

nv expected [her] to keep so muchie thin9ies inside her heart. [she] wants us to be back wad we are meant to be. probably [she] sensed tat we chan9ed le ba. no more tat stron9 desire for the lan9ua9e le.

[she] talked to me personally:
" i've always enjoyed ur compo. cus u are always realistic. u are veri true. but now, i don see it animore. "

yes. disappointment. [she] is. i cannot deny. i cannot ne9lact. [she] jus make mi think. wad is wron9 with me ba. no more of my true-self le. i am no lon9er -qin9yun- le.

wad chan9es me. stress? 9rades? hopes? wadever. i donoh. & i wanna find out ba.

when [she] say my compo no lon9er is me animore. i was just wonderin9. then where is me. i admit. my onli 9o0d thin9 in lan9ua9es is compo. and i always write for myself. cus i just write wad i wanna say. if there is no lon9er me. then who am i writin9 for.?

i told myself : this is the last time i am 9oin9 to disappoint [her]. cus. i am 9oin9 study for myself. not for ani one else animore.

{ k-box }

went with `kailin9 & `melody & `someone special. cannot sae her name. cus not 9o0d.

i admit la. i sin9 a lot. not my fault na. majority son9 i noi how to sin9 ma. cannot help it.

9ot a few son9s i sin9 with `kailin9 are veri sentimental. even `melody aso scared dao. { dao dai } me & `kai sin9 till wanna cry.

the 3 of us sin9 some son9s till veri nice nor. 9ees. most memorable one is { ji de}. mayb we all fan9 jin9 all our feelin9s ba.

nice experience ba i 9uess. will not for9et tis time ba.

{ esplanade }

went to esplanade with S.C.S frenx. nice atmosphere. so nice. the library there is so de nicie. cannot make it na. then we tok so loudly there. in the end the librarian come stop us. so pai seh nor.

`kai lin9 & `melody de mo0d not veh go0d at first. until some talk with one another. everyone feel better ba. yes. it was nice. 9o0d fren 9atherin9 ba.

{ be back to myself }

probably i learnt not to clin9 on to the past le. time to let 9o. time to 9o forward. time to be back to be myself.

yes. i will. last promise & last hope for 2005 before i end it with a bi9 ban9.

life without memories is empty. but life without hope is worthless.

hope not lon9 later. my post will be: i AM BACK!!

{ ben dan }

sometimes jus find tat 9als are so to0pid ba. rather torture ourselves in memories.

read 2 frens blo9s todae. both blo9s are meant to be a secret. so cannot sae out their name. read le. suddenly feel like cryin9 for them. 9uess they noi i tokin9 bout them nor.

somehow saw my reflection in them ba. but 9uess. i learn to let 9o le. so hai hao. but these 2 ben nu ren. reali havta jia you ba.

don let the 9uys see the vulnerable side of us. ya. may be my principle ba. donoh why i hav tat lame principle. but. mayb in this way, we will be stron9er ba. & onli in this way. we will not be hurt so muchie.

`kailin9 had mentioned somethin9 todae. me & `melody alot of differences. yea. both of us a9ree to a 9reat extent. she more sacrificial. while i more self-centered ba i 9uess.

after an endin9 of a relationship. she hoped tat the other party will be happi. whereas for mi. i wan to be happier than the other party. cus i think in this way, the other party will be more fan9 xin9 to let mi 9o in the first place. & thus, will not feel so 9uilty ba.

is it meant to be an excuse? how bout ni ne?

{ cryin9 out in the rain }

one of the ben nu ren likes to cry in the rain na. i a9ree with her ba. cryin9 out in the rain. no one will see ba. no one will noticed. no one will bother.

somehow, the rain can wash away the sadness.

then she aso say. if u wan her to stop cryin9. then make sure the sky stop cryin9 to0.

will the sky eva stop? & will she eva stop cryin9?

{ cannot let 9o }



no special meanin9 for this son9. but it is a nice son9 i think. hopefulli this son9 does not represent my feelin9s le. but mayb to my 2 frens ba.

{ youn9 kids }

hmmm. our 9ames orientation is a success ba. hopefully the youn9 kids will enjoy the day ba.

so happy that i can be involved in such a meanin9ful activity or9anised by SCS.

{ fireworks }

after tat we went marina south wit SCS volunteers. concert at the bay there. it was so so so so de fun. donoh how to say.

romantic. happy. sweet. wow. bin9o. unbelievable. surprised. excited. etc.

wad eva. it is jus so perfect.

ppl involved: `kai lin9 ` melody `maureen `seok chin `melvyn `chong so0n `yan9 hon9 `desmond `augustine `zhen wei.

thou9h not mani ppl noi them. but i jus wan to write down their name so tat i can remember 9oin9 to watch fireworks wit them ba.

frenx who i onli 9et to noi this month. but we can tok to one another quite alot ba. cus hmmm. who eva i noi they don. so they won say out ma secrets ba. moreover, they are veh mature nor. so not bad.

xian mu `min min, she can tok to mayday. jealous. think she got idol luck. always 9et to see her veri own idol or even have the chance to tok to them. so 9o0d. 9lad she enjoy the concert at the bay. >.<

3 cheers for the man who invented the fireworks. such a remarkable workpiece and invention. fireworks reali brin9 happiness to ppl ba. let them feel xin fu.

{ new idol }

don9 jin9 yue tuan 动静乐团 performed in the concert at the bay. they were the first performers. cus of all my frens. onli i so craxy over them. then when they perform i jus practicalli shout & shout.

think they better than mayday in terms of talents. but they are not as approachable ba. lol. so happi. i bou9ht their first album. veh nicie. i stron9ly recommend to ppl out there.

9uess i prefer bands who play their own musics ba. who noi how to play instruments. think more talented ba. lols. thumbs up for them.